Recharged
It's been a while since I've posted to the blog or to any of my social media accounts. The reason for that? I got worn out. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. I just got exhausted. My anti-nausea meds took a lot out of me physically. And some of them had fatigue as a side effect. When you're taking several of those at the same time you're going to end up spending a lot of time in bed and not doing a whole lot. My infusions can also contribute to weird energy levels, especially immediately following the infusion.
But there's a bigger issue at play with why I disappeared for a while... It was a year ago that I had my first PET scan and was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. While we've been very blessed throughout this journey, it's been a long journey. There's a lot more to this journey than the occasional surgery and treatment. I know that some of you have experienced the journey, some of you may have an idea of what the journey is like, and some of you may think you know what the journey is like. Until you've experienced it, I don't think you really understand what it all encompasses.
This is a daily battle on many fronts. It's something we talk about each and every day. Many days there are physical aspects of the fight that come into play. Starting in July it was severe nausea that included several ER trips. A surgery on my arm. Even more recently I've dealt with impaired vision in my left eye for about the last three weeks. I'm still doing physical therapy for my left arm after my surgery, which was 2.5 months ago. There's the financial aspect of the battle. We're still paying for my brain surgery from January. There's the psychological battle of not knowing what's around the corner and how life is going to be from day to day. And at the end of it all...it's emotionally draining. And I got to where I just didn't have the motivation to post anything online. I just didn't care enough.
I know what some of you are thinking... This isn't the usual upbeat Ryan. I want it to be clear that my faith is not wavering. I'm not losing any hope in this battle. My trust and faith in God is as strong as it has ever been. My belief that I will beat this is just as strong as it was on day one. But that doesn't mean this hasn't been a difficult journey with many ups and many moments of struggling. I'm just wanting to explain why it is that I disappeared for a while. I got worn out. Hopefully this helps you all to understand that. I very much appreciate all of the love, support, and inquiries. But I needed time away.
So where am I at right now? I'm rejuvenated. Kim and I just got back from a week long trip to Boston. It was a blast. We spent a week not being a couple dealing with cancer. We were able to just enjoy each other's company without worrying about any responsibilities at home. It had been over two years since our last little jaunt together (other than our quick trip to San Diego for treatment in Mexico). We were in need of a break from life and we thoroughly enjoyed it! We explored the city on several different days, enjoyed a historical cruise around the inner and outer bays, saw the Red Sox play at Fenway, watched the Patriots demolish the Steelers at Gillette Stadium, and ate a TON of really good food! Most importantly, we were able to relax and just get away. It was just what I needed. It was what WE needed.
One of our big concerns with our trip was my ability to do much. Kim actually bought a wheelchair to take on the trip so that she could push me around the city if and when I couldn't get around anymore. The most I'd walked in the last year was probably a mile or two...at the most...on maybe a couple of occasions. Lately, especially, my energy has lacked. In the build up to the trip, my energy seemed to improve a little bit, but we didn't know how I'd handle walking around a city. You know what? I smashed it out of the park! I walked over 9 miles day one and kept on trucking the rest of the trip. My shins and calves were a bit sore haha But what else do you expect? I had the energy and strength to enjoy the trip and do all that we wanted to do. Mentally what did that do for me? More than I think you'll know. To be able to prove to myself that I'm stronger than I thought was a huge boost for me. That has been a huge source of my rejuvenation and commitment to getting back into some things that I really want to do. One of which is posting on the blog and my social media accounts. I've also decided to start back up with the P90X3 workouts. More on that in another post later...
I apologize if my absence has worried some of you. I know some individuals have reached out to Kim expressing concern about not hearing from me on FB or Instagram. I am grateful for your concern and your support. Moving forward, I hope to get back into the rhythm I was in. I have an infusion tomorrow. I'll post a health update following that infusion in the next couple of days.
Here are some photos from our trip. Enjoy!
But there's a bigger issue at play with why I disappeared for a while... It was a year ago that I had my first PET scan and was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. While we've been very blessed throughout this journey, it's been a long journey. There's a lot more to this journey than the occasional surgery and treatment. I know that some of you have experienced the journey, some of you may have an idea of what the journey is like, and some of you may think you know what the journey is like. Until you've experienced it, I don't think you really understand what it all encompasses.
This is a daily battle on many fronts. It's something we talk about each and every day. Many days there are physical aspects of the fight that come into play. Starting in July it was severe nausea that included several ER trips. A surgery on my arm. Even more recently I've dealt with impaired vision in my left eye for about the last three weeks. I'm still doing physical therapy for my left arm after my surgery, which was 2.5 months ago. There's the financial aspect of the battle. We're still paying for my brain surgery from January. There's the psychological battle of not knowing what's around the corner and how life is going to be from day to day. And at the end of it all...it's emotionally draining. And I got to where I just didn't have the motivation to post anything online. I just didn't care enough.
I know what some of you are thinking... This isn't the usual upbeat Ryan. I want it to be clear that my faith is not wavering. I'm not losing any hope in this battle. My trust and faith in God is as strong as it has ever been. My belief that I will beat this is just as strong as it was on day one. But that doesn't mean this hasn't been a difficult journey with many ups and many moments of struggling. I'm just wanting to explain why it is that I disappeared for a while. I got worn out. Hopefully this helps you all to understand that. I very much appreciate all of the love, support, and inquiries. But I needed time away.
So where am I at right now? I'm rejuvenated. Kim and I just got back from a week long trip to Boston. It was a blast. We spent a week not being a couple dealing with cancer. We were able to just enjoy each other's company without worrying about any responsibilities at home. It had been over two years since our last little jaunt together (other than our quick trip to San Diego for treatment in Mexico). We were in need of a break from life and we thoroughly enjoyed it! We explored the city on several different days, enjoyed a historical cruise around the inner and outer bays, saw the Red Sox play at Fenway, watched the Patriots demolish the Steelers at Gillette Stadium, and ate a TON of really good food! Most importantly, we were able to relax and just get away. It was just what I needed. It was what WE needed.
One of our big concerns with our trip was my ability to do much. Kim actually bought a wheelchair to take on the trip so that she could push me around the city if and when I couldn't get around anymore. The most I'd walked in the last year was probably a mile or two...at the most...on maybe a couple of occasions. Lately, especially, my energy has lacked. In the build up to the trip, my energy seemed to improve a little bit, but we didn't know how I'd handle walking around a city. You know what? I smashed it out of the park! I walked over 9 miles day one and kept on trucking the rest of the trip. My shins and calves were a bit sore haha But what else do you expect? I had the energy and strength to enjoy the trip and do all that we wanted to do. Mentally what did that do for me? More than I think you'll know. To be able to prove to myself that I'm stronger than I thought was a huge boost for me. That has been a huge source of my rejuvenation and commitment to getting back into some things that I really want to do. One of which is posting on the blog and my social media accounts. I've also decided to start back up with the P90X3 workouts. More on that in another post later...
I apologize if my absence has worried some of you. I know some individuals have reached out to Kim expressing concern about not hearing from me on FB or Instagram. I am grateful for your concern and your support. Moving forward, I hope to get back into the rhythm I was in. I have an infusion tomorrow. I'll post a health update following that infusion in the next couple of days.
Here are some photos from our trip. Enjoy!
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