For the battle is not yours...
2 Chronicles 20:15...
"Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s."
From the onset of this war with cancer, my life has been filled with peace. While storms have raged at times and new battles have emerged, none of it has impacted my peace. You see...this cancer is out of my control. And that gives me great peace. Does that seem ironic? Maybe it should to me... But it doesn't.
When Dr. Burt told me of this possible complication, I think that it rattled a lot of people in my family and circle of friends. Only two to three months to live? I think it came as a shock. But the reality for me has always been from day one that this cancer could kill me at any time. So this idea of leptomeningeal disease didn't have an impact. It's par for the course, right? When I was diagnosed, I had to answer Elder Bednar's question of "Do you have the faith to NOT be healed?" My answer has always been a resounding "Yes!". If my work here on the earth is done, I accept that. I'm okay with that. And I can't control that. What I can control, however, is how I live my life. I do my best to dedicate myself to the gospel on a daily basis and enjoy my life. I'm very content and happy.
That being said...I have firmly believed from day one of this war that this is just a bump in the road. Hence the title of the blog. I have continued to feel and believe throughout this entire journey that my deliverance will come and that my work here on the earth is unfinished.
I was studying in the Book of Mormon one day and ended up in 2 Chronicles 20. Jehoshaphat learns that a large army, one far too big for him and his people to handle, is coming to war with them. He decides to gather all of the people together to the temple to fast and pray. While there, Jehoshaphat begins to call upon the Lord for deliverance. Eventually, Jahaziel is overcome with the Spirit of the Lord and stands while boldly testifying "Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s."
While the circumstances are different in this story, the message for my situation is the same. My war with cancer is God's war. If this is my time, there is nothing I can do in this life to change that. But if I am to be delivered, then it doesn't matter what I go through or how bleak the prognosis may be. God will deliver me. And that brings me peace. It brings me all of the peace that I need. It also strengthens my faith in God. It allows my faith to dispel any potential fear. This whole #FaithOverFear thing isn't just a gimmick. It's not just a front. It's who I've become. My faith in God is so sure that I can live each day knowing it will all be okay.
Now... I can't just go through this life doing whatever the heck I want to do and expect God to take care of me. I have to do my part. We have been studious in determining courses of treatment. We have been prayerful. We have fasted. We have gone to the temple. We study the Gospel and try to improve who we are. At the end of the day, my friends, that's what we can control. Our attitudes and our faith-filled actions. Elder Renlund taught this last General Conference that once faith-filled action has taken place, then the power comes. And while that power might be different from what we want or what we think we need, it's the power that God knows we need. Like I said above...I can't control this cancer. Where it spread, how it affects my ability to function and live a normal life...I can't control it. Because of that, I don't have to worry about it. I can simply trust God. But those things that I can control that will put me in the best possible situation to receive blessings from God, I do my best with. No matter what happens throughout my life, I have come to understand that through faith in God and His Son, Jesus Christ, fear truly can be dispelled and our lives can be filled with so much light that the darkest abyss is full of light, joy, and happiness.
My invitation to whoever may read this is to turn to God. Come to know Him and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Study the scriptures. Study the Book of Mormon. Come to know the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and allow yourself to fulfill your divine potential.
"Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s."
From the onset of this war with cancer, my life has been filled with peace. While storms have raged at times and new battles have emerged, none of it has impacted my peace. You see...this cancer is out of my control. And that gives me great peace. Does that seem ironic? Maybe it should to me... But it doesn't.
When Dr. Burt told me of this possible complication, I think that it rattled a lot of people in my family and circle of friends. Only two to three months to live? I think it came as a shock. But the reality for me has always been from day one that this cancer could kill me at any time. So this idea of leptomeningeal disease didn't have an impact. It's par for the course, right? When I was diagnosed, I had to answer Elder Bednar's question of "Do you have the faith to NOT be healed?" My answer has always been a resounding "Yes!". If my work here on the earth is done, I accept that. I'm okay with that. And I can't control that. What I can control, however, is how I live my life. I do my best to dedicate myself to the gospel on a daily basis and enjoy my life. I'm very content and happy.
That being said...I have firmly believed from day one of this war that this is just a bump in the road. Hence the title of the blog. I have continued to feel and believe throughout this entire journey that my deliverance will come and that my work here on the earth is unfinished.
I was studying in the Book of Mormon one day and ended up in 2 Chronicles 20. Jehoshaphat learns that a large army, one far too big for him and his people to handle, is coming to war with them. He decides to gather all of the people together to the temple to fast and pray. While there, Jehoshaphat begins to call upon the Lord for deliverance. Eventually, Jahaziel is overcome with the Spirit of the Lord and stands while boldly testifying "Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s."
While the circumstances are different in this story, the message for my situation is the same. My war with cancer is God's war. If this is my time, there is nothing I can do in this life to change that. But if I am to be delivered, then it doesn't matter what I go through or how bleak the prognosis may be. God will deliver me. And that brings me peace. It brings me all of the peace that I need. It also strengthens my faith in God. It allows my faith to dispel any potential fear. This whole #FaithOverFear thing isn't just a gimmick. It's not just a front. It's who I've become. My faith in God is so sure that I can live each day knowing it will all be okay.
Now... I can't just go through this life doing whatever the heck I want to do and expect God to take care of me. I have to do my part. We have been studious in determining courses of treatment. We have been prayerful. We have fasted. We have gone to the temple. We study the Gospel and try to improve who we are. At the end of the day, my friends, that's what we can control. Our attitudes and our faith-filled actions. Elder Renlund taught this last General Conference that once faith-filled action has taken place, then the power comes. And while that power might be different from what we want or what we think we need, it's the power that God knows we need. Like I said above...I can't control this cancer. Where it spread, how it affects my ability to function and live a normal life...I can't control it. Because of that, I don't have to worry about it. I can simply trust God. But those things that I can control that will put me in the best possible situation to receive blessings from God, I do my best with. No matter what happens throughout my life, I have come to understand that through faith in God and His Son, Jesus Christ, fear truly can be dispelled and our lives can be filled with so much light that the darkest abyss is full of light, joy, and happiness.
My invitation to whoever may read this is to turn to God. Come to know Him and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Study the scriptures. Study the Book of Mormon. Come to know the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and allow yourself to fulfill your divine potential.
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